they need to just BURY HIM!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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