i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
