Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
