Cold hands, warm shart.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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