Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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