I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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