I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
