I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
