Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
