My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
