peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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