I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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