i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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