is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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