We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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