Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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