Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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