her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize