the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
