I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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