Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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