Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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