Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
