I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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