I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize