There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
