I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
