sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
