i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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