Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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