Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
