I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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