who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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