you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
