maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize