His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
