we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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