My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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