life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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