I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
