So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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