She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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