Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
