I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
