I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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