I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
