none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
