How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
