So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
