The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
