i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
