i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
high people should be assigned attendants
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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