my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need moral support for this bender
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
