dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
