my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
