Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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