You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
