giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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