sarcasm needs its own font
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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