If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
