my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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