I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
