those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
