But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did I show you my penis last night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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