Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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