Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
