you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
