Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
