i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
