Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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