My first STD was from a foam party
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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