Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
