no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
