This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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