I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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